Spam mail’s idiotic moments

It’s hilarious when I get spam mail that is obviously fake. I wonder if they really believe that they’re getting away with something by leaving the [Spam] marking at the beginning of their headers. Putting Sgt. in front of their name doesn’t help the matter either…

To: Mrs. Helen Combs

Headline: You almost had me

How I feel with goofy spam errors… Image Credit: achinghope.blogspot.com.

I seriously thought that I was getting my payment from Geiko and Edgar Snyder when I got your email. Then I saw the [Spam] on it. I’ll send you a payment or a gift rather instead of a beating:  a letter discussing that you shouldn’t spam me as it’s poor manners and you along with Sgt. Jason Campbell need to learn how to type so I’ll also send “Idiot’s guide to Typing Non-spam Mail” authored by yours truly, the Steadfast Contessa. If you send me something else, I’ll be writing the both of you a new book called “Dummy’s Guide to Not Being a Moron”.

Thanks, now go back to Dr. Phil please…

To: Lucy

Headline: So now Home Depot is using me on their commercials?

OK, I cannot help you with mold or tooling or plastic parts. I am not a hardware store nor am I a home improvement buff. Heck, you’re better off asking Tim ‘the toolman’ Taylor and waiting for an answer that will never come than asking me to do this for you. Now don’t make me scrounge up extra 2×4’s and start whacking you!  Oh, and tell Home Depot to send me money before I do anymore design consulting, thanks.

Sincerely,

The Steadfast Contessa

To Yahoo Mail Lottery, I am not in Europe to collect Euros for a lottery winning. Learn your geography please or how to read as I’m a yahoo mail user, seeing my US Pennsylvania location is not that hard unless you’re blind as a bat!

To Maruice Iwu, I will not contact your personal secretary. Am I also Office Team Temp Agency woman now??? Holy hell…

To Rita Adams, you greet me in the name of the Lord but you really don’t want to hear what name I’ll greet you with!

To Desk of Coka-Cola, yeah there is good news: I like Pepsi.

To Canadiana Pharmacy, you’re still trying to sell me Viagra? Did you talk to another ex of mine and thought I stole his penis too because he cried like a girl when you said you couldn’t hang out because you had to be with family? I think you should try to sell them Midol, you might have better luck with sales…

To Nina E. Brown, this is the will of God? No no no… you must be the new member of our church. It’s not the will of God, it’s the will of Joe Pesce and Tom Cruise. Didn’t you read the handbook?

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